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I think it's time to share the wedding experience that sent me to therapy.

Little background story, the bride moved from big city California to Minnesota many moons ago for a job, and met her now husband there. The wedding was hosted on a farm in Minnesota and had the brides guests fly in from California.

Prior to the wedding, the bride created a group chat for people to discuss plans, flights hotels etc. The group chat was created at least 4 months prior to the wedding. Within those 4 months the bride and groom would not stop mentioning in the chat about how much money they have saved on their wedding and how cheap everything is for them having it be on a farm in Minnesota. While I was happy they had found a way to make it work, it had become very obvious what "cheap" means to them later..

Myself and partner spent about $1,100 on our flights and $1,500 on the hotel to go. While we didn't mind the price of the trip, the surprise itinerary is what got us.

For 4 days, from landing on Friday, to departing on Monday, the bride had created a "mandatory" event for all visitors and wedding guests to attend. On Friday everyone was expected to attend the wedding rehearsal, which, they only had rehearsed once and then we waited sitting in the grass to eat take out. On Saturday was the wedding, which we'll get to, Sunday was the "wedding brunch outing" and Monday was "Gathering to say farewell to the bride". No brakes.

During the wedding rehearsal, a bridesmaid who arrived a few days earlier and was staying with the bride had seemed quiet and uncomfortable, she mentioned she had last minute rented a hotel because the aggression and violence in the home had become unbearable. She mentioned she witnessed verbal abuse from the bride to the groom until the early mornings of 1am, that a vacuum got whipped across the house as well as some power tools at some point and that one of the major fights they had was that the bride kept leaving passive aggressive notes with rules on them for guests which, the groom didn't like.

On the wedding day, the drive to the farm was 3 hours one way. The bride was an hour and a half late. Upon arrival, along with the other guests, we realize there is no phone service at all, no wifi, data nothing. Nobody could use their phones, on top of that, there was absolutely no plumbing, just an outhouse. None of this was mentioned to the guests prior. My partner inquired with one of the groomsmen if this was something the bridal party was aware about prior but they said it was never mentioned to them either.

During the whole wedding there was absolutely no music or noise, just eerie silence since no one had any service to play anything off their phones. During the dinner, everyone was served Mac and cheese and salad on paper plates with plastic utensils. That was the whole meal. Lots of people were pretty hungry after. After the food and speeches, a lot of the guests had migrated to the parking lot in effort to get signal since most of us had been out of any service area since leaving early morning for the wedding and had no contact with the outside world. The bride didn't seem to like this and sent the groom to the parking lot to yell at everybody to return to the tent to enjoy themselves since the bride is upset. This led to a chain reaction to people starting to leave with the sun still up since there was still a long drive back. The Maid of Honour suddenly jumped at the opportunity to ask my partner and I if she could join us to get a ride back since she originally came with the bride. She very clearly did not want to talk about the wedding and at one point just tried to sleep in the back of the car.

The next day, Sunday, the bride posted in the group chat that many people have suddenly cancelled on the "wedding brunch outing" and that she would still like us all to stop by her place to spend sometime to visit with the newly weds, nobody responded to this message.

Monday comes and everyone is heading to the airport to leave. The bride sends multiple 'reminders' in the group chat to ensure we tell her when we're planning to get to the airport so that she can spend some time with us before leaving. Upon arrival it had just been her, no husband.

Now, after the wedding the drama continued. The bride posted about how her photographer ruined her wedding by not using the correct contrast for the photos, and started to push for us to all to plan a return visit soon to take new pictures. What really set things on fire was that the bride also demanded everybody to share their photos from the wedding since they do not have any good ones, which a lot of people responded "I don't have any photos since I never had my phone out when I realized there was no service". This led to the bride cutting people from the group chat, renaming the ones who did stay in the chat to derogatory names and eventually, messaging each guest directly demanding them to explain themselves on their distance towards her which she would blow out of proportion and end up letting it bleed into the group chat that "everyone is jealous of my marriage it seems", "people are so ungrateful".

For my personal post-wedding experience, I chose to leave the chat when I saw the negative messages from the bride coming in everyday and it started to look like she was building a cult of hate and anger within it. A couple months later she tried to contact me through Facebook, snapchat, multiple social accounts, cold calls, texts. The first couple times she messaged I just kindly brushed it off and said I'm just dealing with a lot at the moment but I'll let her know when I have time to talk. This is what led to the cold calls, demands of "why can you not just talk to me today" "how dare you not make time for me" then eventually "youre such a shitty person my biggest regret is inviting people like you to my wedding"

I ended up blocking her on everything since the messaging and cold calls got way out of hand. But now that it's been a few months since, looking back I truly wonder how anyone is still sticking by her side, if anyone even is, I have no idea.

Okay so i’m posting on behalf of my friend because we can’t quite figure out who’s in the right. Our friend is doing a Bach trip in Vegas in 6 months. I said no but my friend said yes. The bride pre booked the hotel before asking anyone to come. My friend sent her $350 for the hotel for her portion, then 2 weeks later told her she was no longer able to come due to her qualifying for nationals in her sport which is the same weekend. Bride said she won’t send the money back unless my friend finds someone to replace her. In my opinion, I find it extremely odd that the bride is asking my friend to invite a stranger to this girls bach trip rather than just sending the money back. Bride also said no one she knows is going to want to come since flights are $600 so it’s up to my friend to find someone to go. My friend desperately needs the money back to spend it on getting her to nationals. Should bride send money back or is my friend in the wrong?

My “friend” aka bridezilla asked me to be in her wedding over a year in advance. She then immediately said I just have one request and I said “of course anything” and she said “that you not be pregnant at my wedding.” My jaw dropped, and I immediately replied, (given she had not even set a date yet) that that was not something I could guarantee, and that my husband and I were TTC, but that we only have so much control over the timing & that we would even try to expedite conceiving, but couldn’t guarantee it.

She then tried to deter me from having a second baby and even resorted to belittling my husband and our marriage to try and convince me not to. As the months have gone by she has then told me how she wants me to have a second baby once she gets married so that we can have kids together despite me making it very clear that is not what we want for our family. We have been married for years are in our mid 30s and want to try for a second. We want kids close in age.

Flash forward eight months of trying to conceive with no success and infertility. The bride puts gives us an ultimatum to book her wedding seven months from now and pay in full over $5000 for an international destination wedding after we have already spent $2000 celebrating her on the bachelorette this year. I received a snarky text from her BEFORE the RSVP deadline telling me to go put my credit card down for her all inclusive hotel. The text even went as far to say “well I know you will be there because you are a bridesmaid.” This led to a text response from me requesting an in person convo or phone call. I was trying to be sensitive to the matter & honor of being a bridesmaid (she was a bridesmaid in our wedding, and I have tried to show up for her this year), but my husband and I as we are contemplating IVF did not feel comfortable booking something so far out in a foreign country that is also so expensive. We have several friends getting married and having babies this year if everyone expects us to drop $7K celebrating them, we won’t be able to pay our mortgage. I feel what she is asking is ridiculous. I politely informed bridezilla that we were not able to commit seven months out due to a private medical issue. She then made it about herself and told me how upset she was that I did not feel comfortable telling her my “medical matters.” Given how selfish she had been prior to I did not feel comfortable opening up to her about my journey with infertility. She left it as an open invitation and would not accept my RSVP “No” and I told her thank you for being flexible we just need to work on a timeline with our doctors. (we don’t want to book an international trip that interferes with our IVF rounds should we go that route I am also not sure we can afford both). I made a point on the phone call to tell her that we were not pregnant and we were navigating something hard.

Fast-forward a few days and I attend a different friend’s wedding and as I walk in all the other bridesmaids are glaring at me and proceeded to ask me all night long what I am drinking- bridezilla started a rumor that I was pregnant despite me telling her that I am not! Having a rumor started like that when you’ve been navigating infertility is HORRIBLE.

I then spoke with a closer mutual friend who confirmed bridezilla has been gossiping about me and did share that I was navigating a “private medical matter”. This has led to multiple people asking what’s going on pushing my husband and I to share our infertility news before we have felt ready- I’m not sure this is something we ever planned to share with a wide audience much less on someone else else’s timeline!

In the days following, we ironically found out that I am pregnant and I am now having complications and may miscarry. I have since contacted the bride to ask her to stop gossiping about me & my husband. She became extremely defensive and said it was justified because she was hurt that we are not attending her wedding. Worse, she now feels vindicated because she guessed we were pregnant and spread the rumor before we had the opportunity to tell people ourselves and at that point we weren’t pregnant.

I understand her wedding is a special occasion, and it is an honor to be included, but I feel so outraged and betrayed that she would make such a personal time in my life and medical issue about herself. It feels like it has eclipsed our happy pregnancy news, put stress on me in my health(I was admitted to the ER last night was complications), and despite my repeated calls for her to stop being a gossip she will not relent and acts like the victim and all of this.

Now I’m at a crossroads where our mutual acquaintances/her bridesmaids think I’m some jerk for not attending her wedding. Everyone feels sorry for bridezilla because her dad passed away this year- myself included. I did multiple tributes for him, donated to her families go fund me, organized a meal train and attended the out-of-town funeral- I really did try and show up and support her through that. But since then everyone just seems to be giving bridezilla a pass for her bad behavior and worse, entertaining the gossip. Do I just throw away the whole friend group?

Furthermore, we do not like her fiancé, and he has said horrendous, disparaging comments about our mutual friends that are so bad that I don’t even feel comfortable repeating. And I feel very uncomfortable spending time around the two of them because I do not want to be a party to that type of talk.

The bridezilla also asked me to host & pay for a 60+ person dinner party in my home for her and her fiancé who has not made any effort to know us. I politely declined cohosting three times only to be put on a group text asking me to host again after previously declining 3X.

At this point, my friendship with bridezilla is over. I’m just looking for a path forward with mutual friends. And could use a PR rep to recover from the smear campaign bridezilla launched against me. Any advice is appreciated!

And how do I regain control and share my pregnancy news without the entanglement of her wedding? I hate that she outed us for being pregnant and managed to make something so personal about herself.

UPDATE: I failed to mention she also booked the wedding in the middle of the week requiring us to need to take THREE vacation days if we were to go it is also over Easter and spring break so really a non-starter. she is also requiring her guest to go for a minimum of three nights despite the resort only having two night minimum we suspect she is getting some sort of kickback.

Furthermore, yes, this is my generation and I too think it is INSANE and wildly inappropriate to ask your friends to spend that kind of money to celebrate you!!

I’m going to a wedding in a month. The bride has put on her wedding website what everyone needs to wear at the wedding. She gave them a color pallet, length and style that she wants them to wear and what not to wear. I’ve heard of weddings like that so I’m rolling with it. I guess what I’m stuck on is the second part.

She’s telling people what to wear at the bars, restaurants, brunch, rehearsal dinner. She’s telling them what color, patterns, styles and lengths, themes. The best part is telling everyone what they can leave at home. The wedding is here in the states, not on a resort and it’s for 3 days. I am not in the bridal party, just attending. We’ve all been stressed at her behavior. We just wanna have fun and be free with our clothes. Maybe I’m overreacting, but non of us have ever been this controlled at a wedding before.

UPDATE: All anyone could talk about was the wedding dress code. Half the people had no idea it existed and the other half told the other half about how they didn’t follow the dress code. Let’s say a lot of eyes were rolled. It was the topic of the weekend. That’s all anyone could talk about. Everyone was joking with people saying that’s not the dress code, better go change. It basically took over the events. Friends were calling each other saying how they wanted to wear crazy outfits in rebellion of the bride. Weddings really do bring out the true personality of a person. I’m glad it’s finally over.

Last Update: my cousin got married yesterday. It was a big, beautiful church wedding with family and friends. The reception was a throw down, dollar dance, cake cutting. All of the goods. I cried. I’m sure any one watching would think they were happy tears, but they weren’t. My cousin said he would never marry someone who abused him, but setting up the wedding and witnessing it first hand, my cousin is being controlled. And most likely abused. I’m so sad for him. When he wakes up, I will be there for him, but I won’t be as surprised as 98% of the guests in attendance.

In town for my cousin’s wedding. Stopped at the bar for a few drinks. Bride to be ends up punching, choking and scratching groom(my cousin) to be’s face. WTF. I’m speechless. I grew up with this kid. I want to kick her ass. He says this has never happened before. I say it’s a preview of what’s to come. Help!! What do I actually do? Stay out of it and pretend it didn’t happen or advise him to RUN very far away and risk our relationship? He’s like a brother to me, my mom raised him like he was one of her own. She would be devastated if she found out. I am floored that this happened. Their wedding is literally next Saturday.

Update: they are ‘better’ today and embarrassed/sorry it happened. I’m speechless. He says it has never happened before and that if she was like this, he wouldn’t be with her. I told him we are here for him and we love him, no matter what.